Thursday, December 22, 2011

Merry Christmas!!!

Well I have been a bit absent these last couple of days, so I am sorry. I can tell you that I have been busy, but I think that is a bit of a lie. I have been sick, which makes me lazy! Ha, so I was just being lazy ok! Ha ha. Even though I was done my Christmas shopping, I still had a few things to pick up. Once I picked that up, I thought I should get some more stuff. It just never stops!

Yesterday was my old clinics dinner Christmas get together. It was really great to see them all again. It makes me miss them even more. The hardest part is one of the docs said something to me, and it made me miss them more. I got in my car, and started to cry on the way home, and I couldn’t stop! It was so hard! I wanted to say to them ‘see you tomorrow’, but I forgot that I won’t! I hate knowing that our little family will never be ours again. It was tough, but really great seeing them.

Well, also I talked to my mother and she is doing good. Still hard to know that she isn’t here, but I know she is with family and they are taking care of her. I have a tough time at home at nights, because I talk to her every night before I go to bed, just to see what we did all day. Now I have no one to complain, laugh or talk to. She gets me, and it is hard. So during the week, I broke down again and cried myself to sleep. I would even think of a time that I wasn’t so good with her and see how I could have made that situation different. Then I would cry even more.

So really this week has been a tearful week. I think that is what made me so sick too. But I’m no doctor, contrary what my brother says 

Well ladies and gentlemen,I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a great New year. I hope you get everything you wanted and enjoy the family time you have.
Hugs and kisses,

Bien he estado un poco ausente estas última pareja de días, así que lo siento. Le puedo decir que he estado ocupado, pero pienso que eso es un poco de una mentira. ¡He estado enfermo, que me hace perezoso! ¡Ah, así que acabo de ser visto bueno perezoso! Ah ah. Aunque fuera hecho mis compras de Navidad, yo todavía tuve unas cosas para recoger. Una vez que yo eso recogió, pensé que debo conseguir algunos más material. ¡Sólo nunca para!

Ayer fue mi comida vieja de dispensarios Navidad se junta. Fue realmente gran verles todo otra vez. Me hace los pierdo aún más. La parte más dura es uno de los doctores dijo algo a mí, y me hizo los pierdo más. ¡Entré mi carro, y comencé a llorar de camino a casa, y yo no podría parar! ¡Fue tan duro! ¡Quise decir a ellos 'le ve mañana', pero me olvidé que yo no hago! Odio saber que nuestra familia pequeña nunca será lo nuestro otra vez. Fue ver duro pero realmente granlos.

Bien, también hablé con mi madre y ella hace bueno. Todavía saber duramente que ella no está aquí, pero sé que está con la familia y ellos cuidan de ella. Tengo un tiempo duro en casa en noches, porque hablo con ella cada noche antes que me acueste, para ver sólo lo que hicimos todo el día. Ahora tengo nadie quejarse, reírse o hablar con. Me consigue, y es difícil. Entonces durante la semana, yo roto otra vez y me lloré para dormir. Pensaría aún en un tiempo que yo no fui tan bueno con ella y veo cómo podría haber hecho esa situación diferente. Entonces lloraría aún más.

Entonces realmente esta semana ha sido una semana lagrimosa. Pienso que eso es lo que me hizo tan enfermo también. Pero yo no soy médico, el contrario lo que mi hermano dice
Bien damas y caballeros, los deseo una Feliz Navidad y un gran año nuevo. Espero que consigue todo que deseó y disfruta del tiempo familiar que usted tiene.

Los abrazos y besa,

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Hello again. Just me here. I am on lunch today and the day has gone somewhat fast. I had a really bad night last night. I called my mom and spoke to her to see how she was doing. It was great hearing her. I needed to call her to hear her voice. Does that sound silly or what? After I got off the phone, I cried. I miss her so much. The nights are the worst for me, because she calls me when I get home from work, and then usually toward s the end of the night. Every day, I expect her call. And now I don’t get that. It makes me sad and makes me cry.  Also, after I talked to her all I could think about was her. I went to bed dreaming about her there and so forth. Then I woke up in a cold sweat, so I don’t know. It was a rough night.

I was also reading this book about child abuse. I finally finished it. Mind you whenever I picked it up I felt like throwing up. I told my daughter a bit about it. It is hard to explain to your 14 year old child that there are really sick people out there. And the sad part is, they are family. So the book I read was abouat two girls that were sexually and physically abused by their mother, their step father, his mom and dad and the mother’s dad. I was appalled!!! How could anyone at any point take advantage of a child! Why would you hurt such a precious thing. I looked at my daughter and all I can see is her beautiful blue eyes and her smile. Then she asked me what if someone hurt me, what would you do. I told her I would kill them. I said they better pray to god they don’t even look at you. She laughed, and deep down inside I was serious. I can’t imagine anyone taking advantage of my child. I would probably kill that person with my own hands. I told her what the book was about and what the sentences were for those people. She said that is sick and they deserve more than that. I said I know. I said you never know what people are living like behind closed doors. Then I told her, you think your life is bad because I get you to study, there are kids out there much worse off then you. And it is true.

So I think that also affected my sleep a bit too. So that was my night.

My child on the other hand didn’t fight or argue with me. Thank goodness. Another day of happiness. For now (only because I will have to have a tlak to her about school today…someone was bad…).

So, I got some responses to my ladies night this Saturday. Yeah!! I got one no, which sucks, because she is a really awesome friend of mine. And I did get two yeses. So we are on our way to planning a fun night!! Now to think of a something to make, and something to buy and something to do. I usually don’t decorate for ladies night. But I will have to start to clean up a bit. Maybe even put up the Christmas tree. I said I would this pasted Sunday, but never did. Was thinking of doing it yesterday, but my child was busy doing homework. And today I know is out of the question.

Also, I didn’t end up going to the gym. We are having some trust issues with our child, so my boyfriend asked me if I can postpone it till he is off next week. I told him sure, I can do that. Mild sacrifice to make our family a better one.

So yeah, that or I didn’t really want to work out anyways! No, just kidding. I really did. But that is ok, I can do stuff at home as well. Just need to get motivated.

Well I am off to readying this other book, which yet again, I know I should be.

Have a good lunch and let me know your opinions on my sick disgusting book I just red.

Talk to you all tomorrow!!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Just another day for me

Well, I am on lunch right now and as promised, I am here :) 

I was a bit tired today and slept in.  Even though I know I was supposed to wake up early in order to get the crock pot food ready for today.  Instead I have decided on having my child make dinner at home.  She knows how to and don’t worry I am over the "Will she burn the house down stage".  Ha ha.  I know she won't.  I am going to the gym today though.  I have my gym stuff in my bag and ready to go after work.  It make feel like a long day at the end, but I will be happy I went to the gym.  Now to find a gym partner. Ha ha.  And to try to work out for more than an hours. one of my best friends is in BC for a week, so not only am I not able to see my mommy, but now I can't even see my friend till Saturday.  Which is LADIES night at my place.  Whoot whoot.  I am hoping I get responses soon, or else it will be just me and some martinis.  Ha ha.  Was hoping my girl friend from Cold Lake was going to be in town, but doesn't look like it :(  But I know she will be there for New Year’s :)

So my child today woke up with less of an attitude.  THANK GOODNESS!  I knew she would, but it was nice to actually see it.  Now for her not to get into trouble today is a whole different story.  But we will see.  I am done my Christmas gifts, and done my stocking stuffers.  Oh wait, I only have two gifts to get, but I know what they are and where I can get them.  I am done my friends and family.  I am proud to say I have  not gone overboard.  Have you?  I think my craziest year was probably last year.  I have now tamed it down a lot, and hard now that my kid is a teenager.  Barbie’s and ponies will not due anymore.  And it sucks, because I love looking at them in the store. Then I just walk away sighing. 

I told my boyfriend and child that I need some Toy Story 3 stuffies for my collection.  So I will need to go ahead and modify my list today :) (watched all three movies this weekend.)  I love Woody.  He is my favorite. 

Well, I am going to check out some other stuff and will let you know how my evening went tomorrow, if anything interesting has happened.  Feel free to comment and tell me if you went overboard on gifts this year? :)

Sunday, December 11, 2011

It has been a while....

Wow, it has been a while since I have posted. I do apologize for that, but not really sure if there are actually people who still follow me. Ha Ha. Anyways, allots has changed in the past months. First off, I am no longer working for the clinic I was working at before. I now have a new job. My old clinic was being relocated and due to union and stuff our old staff was not able to go with them. We all choose to give our notice on Oct. 21, 2011. I was lucky enough to get a job one week after that. I am now at the University Hospital. The job is different from my old job and it feels weird. It feels like I am starting from scratch, and at first I really didn't like it. It took them two weeks to get trained (which felt like a long process. I was sitting around allot, doing odd things around the office.) But once they got me trained, I was on my way. I totally got it. I understood it all and went on with my new job. It still feels weird not coming into the clinic and seeing everyone, not seeing the patients and all. The environment is different, but something I have to get used to.
Christmas is almost here, and that means it is almost time for a break!!! YEAH!!!
That means i will have about two weeks off and will be able to sleep in (which honestly is hard for me to do anyways). I am done with my Christmas shopping. I am done my stocking shopping. I am done the teachers gifts. Don't really know how the office works where I am at, so I won't be doing Christmas gifts for them this year (or making cupcakes :( ). SEE !!! It is different!
I am back to work tomorrow, as I was off on Thursday and Friday. My mom went back home for three months. It is really lonely here. She was the one who called me the most. At least two to three times a day. And I always talked about my day with her and vice versa. Also went out with her on weekends. It sucks. It is hard. Toughest is at night and on the weekends. I have an adoptive momma for the time that my momma is gone. She is from my old clinic. So I will be texting her about my day and stuff :) She is really awesome! Shout out to LUCY!!!
Well, I have a bit of a headache. Just finished dealing with my 14 year old headache. I swear to god, she thinks she is always right, and one day I hope the truth bites her in the butt and gets the wake up call. It makes me wonder if everyone goes through this or is it just me. Because sometimes it feels like it is just me and everyone else has the perfect kid! Mind you they are all different behind closed doors. Oh well, such is life. Ups and downs, we still love them. No matter what kind of hell they put us through. I always tell her that when you have your own daughter you will call me and all I will say is I know. YOU WERE THE SAME WAY! Ha ha.
Well, just going to check out some things on the computer, get a recipe ready for the crop pot tomorrow, because it is back to the gym for me. Starting to feel a bit bigger and need to loose that weight.

Have a good night and talk to you all tomorrow. ( I will not forget...)